Why This Headline Should Make You Want To Throw Up A Little Bit In Your Mouth (and What’s Seriously Wrong With You If You Don’t)

Welcome to the second most important line of the most important thing you will ever read about blogging: this alarming reality-check post about what you’re doing wrong, which is holding you back from ever being as successful as the blogger who wrote it.

Hopefully by now you know that the headline of this post is the first most important line. Followed by that do-or-die, self-righteous opening sentence showing you the error of your ways.

The good news is that’s about all you need to nail down, if you’re doing it right!

But the sad truth is, so many bloggers miss out on this. They can’t go viral and get a lot of clicks through to their blogs because they don’t understand reality. That’s probably what’s wrong with you, too, since you clicked on this post and are still reading it.

For example, in reality, who reads anything for more than nine seconds anymore? Not any ideal target you should care about. These full-article-readers are clearly needy people with actual… needs. And guess what? They are going to want YOU to address those needs in your writing. Forget that!

In fact, I’m kinda pissed I have to be wasting the free Wi-Fi here writing all this out for you, but I guess I feel bad having all these Insider Secrets you don’t know about. Like the most obvious:

Ideal Blog Targets Don’t Read

You want blog visitors who are busy, which means they are go-getters. Busy go-getters don’t have time to sit around reading your posts all the way through and learning anything about what you have to offer that will functionally help them or improve their life in any way.

In reality, they are constantly surfing the internet on all their devices, looking for a quick payoff every few seconds in however many ways they can hit “sign up” “buy now” or “share.” And facts show, they LOVE to share—because it’s FREE, it’s FAST, and it makes them look cool. Like they are in on something. So, if you want to succeed, post headlines that make people click on them and share them because of how they sound, not because of what the article really says!

What? You’ve been trying to write good content with headlines that make sense, promise real value, and/or attract people who care about the topic? See, that’s the first serious thing wrong with you right there. But it’s not too late. I can help you by example.

The top 3 reasons this post’s headline should make you want to throw up in your mouth:

1. It doesn’t have a number in it, or say “Top” or “Best” or “Most Shocking.” If you know anything about blogging, this should make you a little nauseous, because I’m supposed to be an expert, right? I wasted the opportunity to maximize the headline effectiveness of this post by simply adding “The Top 3” at the start, or better still, “The 3 Most Shocking.”

Actually, it was so far over the magic number of 70 characters and it only had two keywords (headline & what’s wrong with you), I decided not to. But you clicked anyway, meaning this headline still rocks! Until you build your blogging skills to my level, it’s easy to show how your headline is “the best” or “the most shocking” by just saying it is. Since that’s what people want, don’t miss the chance to get those clicks! PS: If you use 7s, or make your number more unexpected,  like 4 or 23, it will give you better results, similar to your pricing model

2. It draws you in with something disturbing, and reminds you that you are flawed. The sick thing (I mean that in a good way) about knowing proper blogging techniques is you get more clicks when you write truly stunning headlines (I mean like a stun gun). This headline literally gets you in the gut. Bam! That’s the whole point, I hit my target where it counts! Whether it’s the threat of vomiting, failing, or constantly fucking up which is so disgraceful and embarrassing, the fear factor does wonders for your click-through and share rates.

Trust me. Go balls out on your targets’ pain, the worries that keep them up at night, or just the stupid things they don’t even need to worry about but somehow they started to because of everything they read on the internet. It’s the fast track to becoming a big time blogger.

3. You still feel compelled to share it. Even though it’s not perfect because of the missing numbers, and as a blogger this headline makes you feel jealous and gets your acid reflux going, you know it is just that good. It’s okay to admit it. Like I said, there’s something wrong with you if you don’t feel a little pukey right now. Because this headline is “magnetic,” which means it pulls you right off your senses.

And that is what the successful blogging life is all about: becoming a viral target magnet. You punch them in the gut with something negative, hopefully it makes them upset or worried in some way, and then they can’t resist clicking on your shit to try to feel better. (Remember they’re in a big hurry so they don’t have time to work on themselves!) When they see you’re an authority in the first paragraph, they won’t want/have to read any more than that. They just hit “share.”

Start Writing Sick Headlines of Your Own

This is so easy: copy my headline for this post, then just substitute a couple of the words. It doesn’t matter what market you’re in or what your topic is. You can use it over and over again to put up posts that get shared constantly, without anyone understanding why.

That’s why they call it viral! It spreads (like a toxin) and for a certain period (now!) people don’t know they’re infected so they just keep blindly passing it on… Try it–it’s contagious!

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About the Author

Faith WatsonFaith Watson has been blogging since the beginning of time. She recently created pen to Zen to help entrepreneurs and small business owners solve their writing problems in a day, overnight or three days with a peaceful, easy process. Advice, inspiration and encouragement are free on the blog. Faith Tweets live @pentozen and loves sharing conversation on Facebook.

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  1. […] For example, I don’t believe in formulaic headlines. Or pummeling people with their pain points. I made that clear in my piece for Bad Blogging Advice. […]

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