Wait, why are you still telling people the truth?

Hey guys, sorry for the big delay between my posts.

I’ve been “really busy” “hanging out” with some “A-Listers” in a “tropical paradise” with no internet connection. God, my life of luxury is so much work.

Anyway, on that note, I wanted to talk about honesty in the blogging world.

One of my A-List friends just finished up a big product launch today. I’m sure he made a killing. Probably like a bazillion dollars.

He followed all the rules… His price ended in a 7. He belittled his audience just the right amount. He sold the dream. Hell, maybe he was hanging out with me in some kind of tropical paradise the whole time. Or maybe he said he did. I don’t know. I wasn’t even there. Plus, I stopped reading all of his launch emails after the seventeenth one.

Anyway, the point is that he launched a product, followed the rules, and got paid.

Remember when I told you how to figure out when to buy that big shiny online course? He made it easy.

I just got a new email from him though. It was about all the “suckers” on his email list who were “devastated” and “complaining” about how they missed his “deadline” and couldn’t enroll in his course in time. Fucking suckers, amiright?

He made sure to mock them and make these people feel like idiots. These people couldn’t take two minutes to whip out their credit card and give him a bunch of money for his shiny ass product? Of course he’s going to make fun of them. Why wouldn’t he? Don’t answer that!

Of course, he’s just playing by the rules of the blogging about blogging game. Remember, if you want people to spend money, you need to confuse them a little bit and make them feel bad about themselves.

But luckily, my friend is “literally” a smart motherfucker. He knows the game. He practically invented it.

So, he’s going to play his top trump card. It’s been up his sleeve the whole time. If you’ve ever been in an abusive relationship, you’ll recognize this card right away. It goes like this…

He treats you like shit, and then you get confused and disoriented and you start to doubt yourself. He makes you feel like you’re not good enough (even though you totally are), and then he plays his trump card. He says, “You know what… You’re so lucky to have me. I’m going to be really generous here and give you another chance.”

That’s right. He’s giving YOU another chance. See, because you’re the one who needs him. Not the other way around, like your therapist says.

And that’s what my buddy did. Right after he made fun of all the people who were “too late” to give him their money, he said, “ok ok, i know I just said like two sentences ago that the deadline was rock solid, but I’m a nice guy and I’m going to make a special waiting list for you and if I find some more copies of my ebook (maybe in one of these boxes of paper in my office?) I’ll give you another chance.”

And of course, it works like magic. I just joined the waiting list for a product that isn’t even available anymore. I can’t remember if that’s how “waiting” works, but it doesn’t matter. He’s doing me a “favor” by even giving me this “opportunity” to pay him after he said he wouldn’t allow people to pay him anymore.

It doesn’t matter that he can’t actually run out of ebooks. He can say whatever he wants–this is the internet. So, he said there was a deadline. And then he said there was chance to purchase after the deadline. It makes sense if you don’t really think about it for even a few seconds.

Here’s a Secret

My buddy is just being manipulative. I know, you probably didn’t see that one coming, but it’s true. He’s creating a false sense of scarcity to capitalize on something psychologists call the “fear of missing out.”

It doesn’t matter (to him) that it’s not honest. It works. His number one goal is to make money. Honesty is probably, like, his number two goal. Or maybe three. I don’t know. He’s never told me.

And if you’re a blogger who wants to create a product and make money, you should pay attention to how the game is played. You don’t have to be honest because this whole thing is scripted. Just play your part and buy the script, and then read from the script and someday someone else will come and buy the script from you.

Shit, I’m getting really cynical. I almost don’t even know if this post is in character or not anymore. Is this still satire? Is this still bad blogging advice? Am I being serious and honest, or just trying to make a point?

I don’t know, because I’m too thrown off by the script to know anymore. And that’s how the script is supposed to work. So, I guess it does.


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  1. You? Cynical? Mr. Bad Blogging advice guy? Nooooo…. ; )

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